Separation or divorce counselling starts after one, or both the partners have made the decision to end the marriage. Though, people often confuse it with marriage counselling but they are different. In marriage counselling, spouses seek help to find a way forward together, whereas in divorce counselling they are seeking help to end the relationship.
Though, the decision is already made at this stage but there are a number of reasons due to which partners decide to go through counselling sessions. The reasons include, but are not limited to:
Make sense of what has gone wrong
Coping with emotional challenges associated with divorce
To analyze the impact on children/family members’ and partners in a positive environment
Allowing for change and progression
Offering right perspective and closure
What are the causes of divorce?
There are no set reasons why a couple decide to divorce. These reasons, could vary from changes in their lifestyles, to lack of trust, to lack of connection between the partners, bereavement, or other such reasons. They may also choose to go their separate ways after an affair, or serious prolonged arguments, or due to sexual problems. But usually these are the results of several issues brewing between them for quite sometime and may not be the actual reasons.
When do you need Divorce Counselling?
Many couples may choose to end their relationships without any external help, despite their feelings of grief and uncertainty. Whereas, others might be devastated and not able to cope up with their loss. Divorce is a major decision which alters your life completely. When the pain is difficult to handle and it becomes crippling then you should seek help. It becomes further more important if there are children, as they need your strong support to sail through this life changing event.
If you can’t take a decision whether you actually need divorce counselling or not, then look for these symptoms, which may range from mild to severe, varying from person to person:
Anxiety or excessive worry
Excessive weight gain or loss
Feeling unworthy of love or happiness
Loss of interest in any activity
How can Divorce Counselling help you?
Divorce is as big a loss, as losing someone close to you, due to death. So it’s really very important to take your time to grieve the loss of love, happiness, companionship, support and any future plans you had together. This process can never be complete without the help of friends, family, other support groups or if required, then a professional divorce therapist. A therapist can:
Help you manoeuvre the stages of divorce
Coach you the coping skills to deal with the emotional pain
Provide a platform for the entire family to receive support
Provide coaching to help you understand the reason of failure and prevent future relationship issues
Roshan Masukhani, Divorce Counselor in Mumbai can help the separating couples deal with these emotional stages of divorce. He can help them develop a positive approach to deal with new life in the positive manner.
What are the emotional stages of Divorce and how can Counselling help?
There are stages a person goes through, when a marriage ends. It is through these stages that a therapist can help you navigate and give you a perspective that what you are feeling is quite normal and natural for a person in your position.
The emotional stages of divorce are:
Lack of acknowledgement - In this phase, a person tries to go through normal life as if, all is well. This is an attempt to deny what is happening and ignore the shock.
Grief and Uncertainty - This stage sets in post-acknowledgement. In this stage, you mourn your loss, feel the hurt and get anxious for your future.
Anger - You start the blame game in this stage. You feel anger towards your ex and at times towards other family members, especially children. If you start passing your negativity and are not able to control your anger then please seek help immediately.
Negotiating - In this phase, you wish to correct all your mistakes and want to get back your old life. In this stage, you regret and plan to mend your behaviour to get another chance.
Guilt - You feel guilt as your start blaming yourself instead of others for your divorce. You start believing that if you had been a better person your marriage could have been saved.
Depression - Though, feeling depressed is a natural progression as move into this stage. Here you may feel sluggish, either lose your appetite or start overeating, and you lose motivation to do anything. These symptoms are normal but if there severity increases then help is definitely required.
Acceptance: This is the final phase, when you accept that your marriage has ended. You may continue to deal with grief of your loss but are ready to move on and try to find peace. The thought of making a new beginning can be still intimidating but you try to approach it with new found strength and resilience.