Marriage is a journey which is full of its ups and downs. At times, partners are not able to cope up with these changes. At other times, external factors lead to conflicts, turning marriage into a source of pain and problems, instead of love and happiness.
Roshan Mansukhani, Marriage Counselor in Mumbai, work with couples in individual and joint sessions to resolve these conflicts.
Focus-area of Marriage (or Couple) Counselling
Gain better understanding of yourself and your partner - While dealing with difficult situations or difficult relationship, we lose our focus and fail to understand not only the opposite person but also how we will react in that moment. For example, after a sudden fit of anger we wonder what led to this kind of behaviour. Thus, to gain better understanding is the first step towards a healthier relationship.
Understand each other’s perspectives, needs and expectations - When a marriage hits rock bottom, it’s not because you or your spouse had bad intentions but because your perspectives, needs and expectations were different. So the most important area to work for a counsellor is to help partners appreciate each other’s needs and identify areas where the two of you are incompatible.
Strengthening communication skills - During low phases, couples are not able to understand the perspective with which the other person is communicating, leading to conflicts. A therapist ensures that through active listening and talking couples can communicate effectively. They even teach to communicate properly during an argument to ensure that issues are not escalated.
To conclude, marriage counselling is designed to help both partners envision a healthy relationship in which they want to be. It helps, convert that vision into reality with the efforts of both the partners.
Why should you seek Marriage Counseling?
The rate of divorces are on rise in India and especially, in urban areas. Any divorce which happens brings difficulties not just for the adults but also for the children involved. While for adults, it may be an event of betrayal, future uncertainty and chaos, for the children in the family, it creates a feeling of anger, blame, abandonment and other such negative emotions.
While divorce may be necessary in certain irreconcilable circumstances, but in certain other cases people may want to salvage their union and create a future together for the sake of their lost love and family.
When couples face challenges, they often wonder when it is appropriate to seek marriage counseling. Here are some reasons to consider counselling:
1. Lack of positive communication - At times, it becomes difficult for couples to communicate with each other without negativity. Negativity may not just be in words, it could even be in the tone of the conversation. It may leave either one or both partners feeling depressed, insecure and disregarded. It may also include, any kind of emotional, physical or verbal abuse.
2. Affair - When either one or both partners had affair, or are considering having one, then marriage counselling becomes almost mandatory. Coming out of this situation is not impossible, but it requires great deal of commitment and will power from both the sides to forgive and move forward. Though there is no set process or formula to recover from an affair, but if both the partners support the therapist then marriage could either be saved, or both the individuals may decide to move on with a stable state of mind.
3. Couples are mere roommates - When couples seems to be occupying the same space but are mentally at a different level then there is need for counselling. This definitely does not mean, if the couple isn’t doing everything together they have a problem. It simply means, that if intimacy and conversation or any other element is missing and couple simply stay with each other out of habit then there is definite need for help.
4. Partner fail to resolve their differences - If the partners understand their differences but fail to resolve them despite their best intent, it is the time to involve a clinician which helps them resolve their issues and may be able to guide them how to move together in the right direction.
5. One partner intentionally wants to hurt other - Negative feelings such as resentment or disappointment can turn into hurtful, sometimes harmful behaviors. If one spouse develops such feelings and intentionally tries to hurt the other one emotionally as vengeance, then it’s the time to reach out for help or else the relationship will turn counterproductive. A good therapist can help the spouse express negative feelings, in an appropriate manner.
6. When separation seems to be a solution of all issues - Sometimes, it’s good to get away from each other to avoid unnecessary arguments but if, getting away from each other or home seems to be a good solution then it’s an indicator that you need counselling, or else these periods of taking a break will increase to a length where communication will almost seem impossible.
7. When couple continue to stay together as parents - When couples decide to stay together for the sake of their children it is the right time to involve a third party for help. It’s actually not fruitful for the family as children are very intuitive and can feel the negative vibes in the family.
Conclusion : Though all marriages can’t be salvaged but most of them can be saved. For couples who are committed to the process, marriage counselling may help them remind of the times they met and fell in love. But if during the process of therapy, couples discover that it is healthier for them to move on in life. Then counselling can help them move in individual directions with sanity.